December rain, walking on water and WHAM!

Last evening was fun! Mummy, daddy, Kats and myself walked down to the sports Centre that was opposite the house where we lived for the first 14 years in Here. It used to be one building before, a badminton court, a gym, a table tennis space and a room for yoga. But now its a giant, its expanded and has become HUGE. almost three building, vivid colours, looks beautiful. Opposite to it is the lake, where many of our paper boats have left voyages.

If you walk straight down form the lake, till you reach a fencing end you'll find the house where I spent some of the most fun moments ever. It was all very different before. Things change with time, some times changes are pretty, but a change with the past wiped away is not very nice. From the lake you could walk into the sports centre, but now they have a fence, a fancy walkway with benches, almost like from the Wizard of Oz; and loads of colorful lights have been put up. When its dark, its like watching a sea of glow worms, only difference that these are larger and they don't blink. It was not so fairy tale like before. There were only yellow lights, like the burning flames.

The back of the sports centre had the 'SUPER-DI-DUPER' eat out, which was run by a Mami we knew. Some Saturday nights long long back we used to order dosa, sit on one of the red plastic chairs and watching the mosquitoes and dragon flies dance on the lake's surface, looking at the tiny island floating in the middle. I always thought the fox that used to cry at night came from there. I still think so. That island is full of tall trees and I don't know what else. Maybe someday, I would make Kats move her lazy legs and take her with me to actually find out what is there.

Everything is fairy tale like there, but it is not familiar anymore. The 'SUPER-DI-DUPER' eat out isn't there anymore. The flooring is not the normal cement one, tiles everywhere, tall columns, fancy black window panes. You know this the place, but it doesn't feel to be the same!  I know! I complain so much! The Kats habit, finally rubbed off on me too. The school where Kats studied is going to be broken down to build another castle from some fairy tale, when she gets older and comes back, I am sure we would be able to say that thats where the school stood, but we sure wouldn't be able to feel that before the fairy tale castle stood a not-a-very-perfect-but-pretty-lovely school stood.

By the time we walked to the sports center the clouds that grumbling with anger decided to make one wish of mine and Kats come true, that is to watch the lake when it rained. Thanks to Ms. Busy Kats we have not had the time to be here in summer or in the rainy season. So many seasons of Here missed. But the cute clouds were sweet enough to make us feel in the cold December how Here looks in summer and in rain.

There is something about the rain that makes it so awesome, I don't know what. It is the almost underwater-but-on-land feeling that it gives and the nice little puddles that it makes for us to set paper boats afloat that maybe are the nicest parts of its awesomeness. It gives you a feel of feeling the scary adventures of being underwater being safely on your two legs on land. That is how we are! We wanna taste the hot pakora without burning our tongue.

 We watched the rain; most importantly Kats watched the rain, and its amazing that we had the same thought! About how we knew we had been to this place so many times before, but it seemed all too new. The only difference is that, I thought of running out in the rain and dancing for a bit, but of course Kats wouldn't even think. But in the end she did get wet.

All four of us were walking along the corridor of the sports centre facing the lake, it was just like I would have liked it, filled with water :P After the rain stopped we had to walk back on water.  Mummy and Daddy didn't mind much about their feet gettin wet, but our dearest Kats was too worried about wetting her socks and while trying to walk on water WHAM! She fell down on her back. And this happened again this time it was just fate. Guess what? She didn't have a frown on her face when she fell. Think she finally did learn that

You don't need to be perfect always to have fun.

Chulibuli feels sad for Dadu

The door bell rang once, but we were too busy with Lego to rush and pay attention to it. Also it was an odd time when it rang, it couldn't have been mummy, daddy and Kats's friends normally don't come to visit her. The bell rang again and the door 's latch was used to knock. It was then that I understood that it was Dadu.

Dadu is a really old man, who sells eggs, agarbattis, chanchur/mixture, and buys old paper from us. One of his eyes have almost become completely white and poor Dadu can see properly only form the other eye. he had told us once about his grand daughter, she was in school, and wanted some of Kats's old note books for her to write. I remember spontaneously making Kats ask about her granddaughter's Daddy and mummy, and he was silent. It was a strange silence, Dadu seemed very sad then. Dadu as much as we have known him has exactly 3 pairs of clothes and a sleeveless sweater and a brown full sleeves sweater. When it is a little cold he wear the sleeveless sweater and colder the full sleeves one and the coldest both together.  His slippers have been the same for the last so many years that we have seen him. But unlike other adults he smiles a lot. When he smiles I think he forgets that he has lost so many teeth. I often wonder how difficult it must be for Dadu to brush, because with such huge gaps between his teeth insects would find it very easy to enter his mouth.

Dadu's son has vanished, Dadu is very old and he still works. I remember making Kats ask mummy once that when one is old one usually shouldn't work, but why is that Dadu is working. Mummy said to me, "Normally when one is old, one expects ones children to look after and do no work. Dadu's children are not there. Dadu has a little grand daughter to take care of. And isn't it a good thing that he is working? Instead of sitting at home all day long, all lone he goes around, sees the world, meets people of all kinds. He can tell better stories to his grand daughter. " so true, the more people you meet, the more places you see the better stories you can tell. But why do children vanish when their mummy-daddy grow older? I always had that question, but somehow could never ask anyone yet.

It is good that Dadu gets to meet so many people and tell better stories, but sometimes when it is too cold or too hot and his legs ache too much to ride his cycle with the box of eggs on his carrier and the bags of agarbattis and chanchur/mixture hung along his cycle's handle he still comes.  And it is then that Chulbuli feels sad for Dadu.

Chulbuli sang with Arial! and another thing Kats doesn't know

I have been having so much fun that I almost forgot to share it with you all!

If  someone asks me from now on my favorite month I shall surely say December, because the first week has been nothing short of total fun. Cold mornings under warm blanket, getting up when I want, bathing when I want, eating what I want and what I like. Its like how it used to be when I was in control of Kats. And Now I think it is so. MUHAHAHA ! the adult finally listens to the child.

Everyday is a fun-day, everyday is a Sunday! We get up with no plans, we follow no timetable. We read what we like and play as much as we want. Oh I must tell you! We fold colorful paper into beautiful things and fly like birdies without wings.

We have watched so many nice movies over the last week or more I think (I have stopped counting days and seeing the calender you see, after all they are just numbers) Harry potter and the deathly hallows both parts, Sound of Music and the Little Mermaid. The first few ones were nice, but the Little mermaid was nicer, no maybe nicest of them all. Why you may ask? Because it is about Arial who just won't stop listening to what her heart says, she is not always in control like Kats, she is like the on the hill top, she just flows, nothing can stop her from what she wants. She does get into tiny-winy bit of trouble, when she does I really did get scared, but her Daddy, King of the Sea saves her. But does someone always come to save one when one is in trouble?

I remember this song which I sang with Ariel, Part of that world. Ariel says in that she wants to be a part of our world, walk with legs, and dance with them, and watch fire burn, all of what we find so-normal she finds it special. Maybe everything is special, but for those who don't have it? Because I feel what Ariel has is very special, a tail, a fish friend, and a crab friend, and so many more fishes of all colours around her, you don't find so many people or animals or different colours staying together here. I remember asking this to Kats that why is that I feel Ariel is special and she feels that we are special and she smiled strangely while replying, "Remember the song Under the sea that Sebastian sings? The first line he says that the sea weed is always greener in somebody else's lake. He means to say that to you it'll seem that the other person and his or her things are always better than yours." And I asked her, "Who is really special then?" And she said, "I don't know Chulbuli."

There you go Kats another thing you don't know. I am making a list of things that Kats doesn't know, because all these older people have an answer for everything, they think they know everything, and when they say they don't know its worth playing the flute and dancing around like an elf.

I also asked Kats, while watching the movies, both Sound of music and The little mermaid, "Do you remember how you felt when you were sixteen?" Both Lisel from Sound of Music and Ariel from The little mermaid are sixteen, that is why I asked her. And Kats replied again with an I-don't-know and more,"I don't know Chulbuli. I was sixteen for a year, I can tell you all that happened then, but how does it feel to be sixteen I don't know; or rather, I don't remember." 

Is it that because like an adult I tried to connect a number to feelings she couldn't tell me? Or you simply don't remember how it feels to be of an age after you are older than that? Again the numbers are bothering me!

No answers to Chulbuli's questions!

After Kats's 'exams' got over she had a long list of things to do before leaving for Here. She walked with Shanti, Sanjeevani and Rekha from her hostel to Himadrija and Indigo's room in the hostel that is like so many miles away. The walk is like almost a walk through a jungle to reach another country, where on the way there is a brook(tiny version of river), big rocks, and monkeys, peacocks. Like the journey the nomads make.

Most of the times when she travels to Indigo and Hima's place, it is like a turning point, a point form where things change.While we were walking, I asked Kats, "Wouldn't it be fun if we could do this walking around everyday? See all the beauty around us." Kats rolled her eyes in reply, "And darling, who would attend the classes for me? The lizard in our wing's bathroom?" Lizard attending was not a bad option at all according to me, but for a few problems. No it is not Kats's desk partner, she doesn't have one, she refers to sit alone on the first bench in the corner of the class, it is the girls who sit behind her. Both Shanti and Rekha are scared of lizards. Also, to be able to take notes for Kats in her absence would be difficult for it(we don't know whether the lizard is a boy or a girl you see) with all the yummy distractions buzzing around, also to be able to talk in our language and ask the teacher the questions she has would need a long training.  After all of those thoughts I forgot to reply to her and I am sure she thought I had not solution to it. Before I could choose to speak about it, she spoke, "Chulbulli, you know something? If you played the same game everyday, you'll get bored too soon. Similarly if we do all this excursion everyday, it'll lose its charm. " Is it true what she said? Some games I have played everyday like hide and seek, but I am still not bored of it, what changed though was the people with whom I played. So.. is that its not just the journey but the people, the things, the sky, the moon everything that makes every journey different?

Later that night we sat in the balcony of the 'wing' of the hostel where her room is. For those who don't know about hostels, hostel is like mini home, without Mummy and Daddy, you have new and different family members. Some like to talk, some don't; some study in the same class, some don't; some are older than her, some younger, some as old as her. What is common in them all is, they have left their own families and traveled a large distance to learn. As for a wing, a wing  is a bunch of rooms that are close together, one after the other. In Kats's case, her wing has a door, their own bathroom, two basins and a balcony where the mango tree's branch spreads out its arms. 

So under the dark sky, with a few twinkling stars, and the dark green mango leaves hanging over our head as the cold winter was punching us I asked Kats that if she had the chance of doing what she really wanted to do, what she thought she really was sent to do by leaving everything now would she do it? She didn't reply! She was so silent that i could hear all the leaves above our heads rattle,  I even tried to count the number of rattles that the leaves made as she stood in silence. Then I thought maybe I asked a difficult question, so I asked her again, differently, "So if you were in a closed cold stone-made cave like room like the ones where the Flintstones live in, with a window, and there was a huge garden outside with flowers of the colour of the rainbow, and a pond with swans like in the fairy tales. What would you choose?" She was still very silent. I didn't know what was wrong with the question. She finally answered when 50 or more leaves had rattled, I think the tree was curious too. She said, 

"I would stay outside during the day play and enjoy. And at night would come back to the cave."

And then I understood what I forgot to ask her, what if she could choose only one? I asked her. And again there was silence. I started to count the stars, that is what daddy had taught me to do when I can't wait for something, and after that all I remember is black.

Few diamonds on earth; Kats is no so bad at all(?)

Diwali, the festival of lights is one of our favorite. Mummy told me the story behind the festival long back, when Lord Ram returned from Vanvas the residents of the kingdom of ayodhaya lit up diyas  to welcome him, cause it was a dark moonless night. They couldn’t bring the moon up on to the sky, so they made a huge sea of twinkling little stars on earth for Lord Ram. We celebrate it every year, and mummy says “It is to bring the Ram in us back.” I don’t exactly get what she means, but I the festival is really nice.

Till last year back it used to be all about fun, tasty food that mummy makes at home, lighting up lamps, bursting crackers and going around here to see the idols of Kali. Khushi and Kats used to be out all evening walking all around here, seeing the idols of Kalis across. This year it was different. There was no Godess kali, no mummy or Daddy, no Khushi, no tasty food, but there was an ‘EXAM’ the next day.  

The way the day started it hardly felt like there was festival. No excitement, no cheer. But the phone  kept reminding them that there was a festival. Calls from all the wonderful people who celebrate festivals, and not run with their eyes shut. Kats thankfully wore the new kurta that mummy left, giving the feel of a festival. 

Kats was getting better. She  got ready in the new kurta, combed her hair neat, wore a tiny bindi, wore kajal and went out with her friends. All her friends dressed in many many colours, not a rainbow on the whole I must admit, but quite a few portions of it.  I must tell you about her friends all thanks to the Rumpunzel experience that Kats gave me for the last few years, I couldn’t tell you about them. Himadrija, I think I have told about her, her best friend in this new place. Kats as you know had come prepared with ropes to tie me up, and lock herself up in a room away from sunlight, breeze and moon light, she couldn’t save me, but did manage to not let her lock herself up. She introduced her to Shanti and Rekha . Shanti has long hair like Rumpunzel and Rekha is short, but what I like about them is how they don’t get to adultish like Kats, not big fans of numbers, but love colours, games and being happy. And through Shanti she got introduced to Sanjeevani, lean as stick, but is the only one who has won the battle against the adult raising in her. 

Rekha was against them going to the temple at 12 noon. “Well who goes to temples at 12 noon” Rekha Said, even I thought for long mummy never went to temple at such a time, but do you have visiting hours to visit God and whisper to him ? All through the journey Rekha kept on scaring Sanjeevani, Shanti and Kats that the temple might be closed. But guess what! They just managed to whisper to God. They ran into the temple and I could hardly say HI to God that we had to leave the temple as the pujari ji said that it was closing time. Mummy had told me that when it was time for God to sleep the temple is closed. And as the door closed behind us all I wished God a happy nap. 

Around the temple I saw a little boy, wearing an old torn dress form which the colour was slowly vanishing. He stretched his hands out to Kats asking for money. It was so sad to see a little boy sad, without food to eat and a smile to wear. That too on a festival when everyone was happy. She gave him a rupee and he closed his fingers tight on it. She walked away without lookin at him, I think he was still looking at her for some of her colours and her smile. You can share a smile can you?

They saw a shop full of candles, crackers and diyas. It took me back to here, to the days where I used to hold daddy’s hands and he used to but these things for Diwali. 

When the sky became black and the entire city started to burst crackers, Shanti and Kats were busy studying together for the ‘EXAM’. They were waiting for Himadrija to arrive. She came, and brought lamps, and loads of smile. It was like I was almost back to here. Like a new type of family with sisters. 

With lamps that they lit together, it was like diamonds were being arranged into a shape. Kats let the rope around me free and it was so much fun. Dancing around the lamps and watch them shine. I learnt today, that the festival-family feeling doesn’t always need to have mummy and daddy, but I did miss them.

Numbers, lies, and chaos

Tied up in a corner with thick ropes and duck tape on my mouth, can you imagine Chulbuli like that? Thats what Kats did to me last two years. I realized how Rapunzel might have felt when left to herself in the tall tower with a duck tape on her mouth. Lonely, silent, pale, that is the life of an adult.

Obsessed(I learn it from Kats)with numbers all adults are. Marks, money, weight, height, length, breadth, thickness, everything, everything except for the thing for which they use them to differentiate from other things. Two numbers have been flashing with bright neon lights on Kats's mind from her arrival to this horrible place, weight and her marks in the course. Kats says she wants to study more, and to study more she was telling me once that she needs more marks. But I asked her,"If you want to study more, you can simply study more, how will those numbers decide?" She laughed at me as if I told her that a fruit that looks like an orange is an apple. And I remember the reply she gave to me, "Those numbers tell them how much I know. And only if I know the amount they want, I can know more. Those who know little, can't know more." And I also remember my reply to which she had no answer, "How can what you know be in numbers? Is knowing things countable? And if it is how can you compare two things that you know, that one is larger or smaller, because knowing somethings is easier than knowing some other things. Like knowing that I have ten fingers is easier than knowing how earth revolves around the sun. Or knowing anything is the same? And how can you decide that what is the smallest part of knowing about anything?..." Later that day she told me, that they give questions that she must answer in the time that the people who choose the questions give. But I still wonder how one question can tell whether Kats knows about it or not, what if when she was asked the question she forgot about it, but later she remembered it. Like I know that Barney is purple in colour, but what if I forget how to pronounce the name of the colour, would it mean I don't know about it?

If only knowing and everything to do with it was easy. Till two years back, Kats knew she loved Chemistry, she still does, but she knew she wanted to know more chemistry, but being a REAL scientist that was the lie she started to chant. And it was a whale that swallowed her. She was too scared, too shy to say what she really wanted, she knew what she wanted. But living inside the whale of lies, she forgot about the sun, the moon, the water, the wind. And when the whale opened its mouth a bit, through the cracks she saw it and recalled. And again she was back into the pinkness of the mouth of the whale. And for that time, the thought of the sun, moon and water never came to her. Now, just today, the whale coughed and she was thrown right into the sea. Initially she thought she didn't know anything, not even how to swim. But her hands began to move on their own, and she didn't drown. Now the chaos is all about whether Kats knows what she wanted to be or whether she doesn't?

How many marks for her to answer the question of "what do you want to be?" ? Can the answer to the question really know whether she knows it? Chaos it is.