Chulibuli feels sad for Dadu

The door bell rang once, but we were too busy with Lego to rush and pay attention to it. Also it was an odd time when it rang, it couldn't have been mummy, daddy and Kats's friends normally don't come to visit her. The bell rang again and the door 's latch was used to knock. It was then that I understood that it was Dadu.

Dadu is a really old man, who sells eggs, agarbattis, chanchur/mixture, and buys old paper from us. One of his eyes have almost become completely white and poor Dadu can see properly only form the other eye. he had told us once about his grand daughter, she was in school, and wanted some of Kats's old note books for her to write. I remember spontaneously making Kats ask about her granddaughter's Daddy and mummy, and he was silent. It was a strange silence, Dadu seemed very sad then. Dadu as much as we have known him has exactly 3 pairs of clothes and a sleeveless sweater and a brown full sleeves sweater. When it is a little cold he wear the sleeveless sweater and colder the full sleeves one and the coldest both together.  His slippers have been the same for the last so many years that we have seen him. But unlike other adults he smiles a lot. When he smiles I think he forgets that he has lost so many teeth. I often wonder how difficult it must be for Dadu to brush, because with such huge gaps between his teeth insects would find it very easy to enter his mouth.

Dadu's son has vanished, Dadu is very old and he still works. I remember making Kats ask mummy once that when one is old one usually shouldn't work, but why is that Dadu is working. Mummy said to me, "Normally when one is old, one expects ones children to look after and do no work. Dadu's children are not there. Dadu has a little grand daughter to take care of. And isn't it a good thing that he is working? Instead of sitting at home all day long, all lone he goes around, sees the world, meets people of all kinds. He can tell better stories to his grand daughter. " so true, the more people you meet, the more places you see the better stories you can tell. But why do children vanish when their mummy-daddy grow older? I always had that question, but somehow could never ask anyone yet.

It is good that Dadu gets to meet so many people and tell better stories, but sometimes when it is too cold or too hot and his legs ache too much to ride his cycle with the box of eggs on his carrier and the bags of agarbattis and chanchur/mixture hung along his cycle's handle he still comes.  And it is then that Chulbuli feels sad for Dadu.

An emotional roller coaster ride…..Chulbuli already feels sick

Oh my God! Those are the words that come to my mind, when I think  about the last few days. I don’t even know how many days. Kats is oscillating between tears, and exhilaration (I learnt this word from Kats it means unusually happy) at an alarming rate.

 

As I had told you the last time Kats was waiting for some results. The result of the 5 year integrated MSc programme with the University of Bacca urbs was due on 22^nd of June. But there was nothing on 22^nd, she waited till 25^th evening. And on 25^th evening it said “You haven’t qualified for the interview”. Those words were written at the centre of the page in big bold letters in pink. Kats never liked pink and at moment she started to hate it even more than ever. A stream of tears started to flow right out of her eyes, uncontrolled. Kats was upset. Though I never leave an opportunity to complain about her, that day even I felt bad. It was her dream to study chemistry, now she had to study something else that she wasn’t very much interested in. It’s not that the ‘Plan B’ as (she calls it) is bad, it’s just that she likes chemistry more than it. She spent the entire night sleeplessly, staring right at the ceiling trying hard to find a silver lining in this dark cloud. It takes time for anyone to accept the fact that what you want isn’t what you get. But maybe as I have always felt, Kats doesn’t exactly know what she wants, or maybe she does but isn’t sure whether this is the time to seek it. The next day wasn’t very difficult for her as she went out with her daddy to the bank. And then on the way back home suddenly she suddenly decided to visit her school.

 

School was definitely a refreshing change. It was the positive environment she needed to be in for a while. For the first time in many days she was greeted with a warm hello and not with a volley of questions like “what is your rank in X entrance exam?” For a change people wanted to know when she is going to college and not which one. A refreshing change indeed it was. The ‘children’ (as Kats calls them) were happy to see their ‘Didi’ (yeah that’s what they call her at school Kats Didi) one last time and wanted to know when ‘Didi’ would come back to visit them, nothing else. That was the best thing by far. And thankfully it did bring the smile back on her face. I’ve never told her but I hope some one does tell her that she looks the best with a smile. She can’t smile without flashing her teeth (that’s an infectious disease so better beware), she way too proud about her toothpaste and tooth brush and it seems that she intends to become the ‘brand ambassador’ (that’s the person who is in every AD of the product) of both the toothbrush and the toothpaste company someday.

 

Then came the evening of the tissue company (I expected it to be so at least), Khushi and Kats met for the last time. It was past 9:30pm.They met on the lonely streets spoke like they would meet again the very next day. But they both knew that wasn’t true. It was that very evening she came to know that she was (finally) called for the interview at University of Bacca urbs. That day was very odd for her. It was like chocolate and bitter gourd (karela in hindi) ice cream. The bitter gourd (karela in hindi) part was that Khushi was going away and the chocolate part was the interview call.

 

It was because of this interview call that I wasn’t blogging. Though Kats is the one preparing, I thought I should be with her cheering her up. She needs to be cheered a lot. I truly mean that, you’d need a person dressed as Barney the dino singing to her to keep her smiling. Don’t you even start thinking that I wore the Barney outfit! You don’t get ones of my size, also its way too suffocating for me. Though I would surely love some to come dressed as Barney for Kats birthday, because both myself and Kats are huge fans of Barney, but me wearing the Barney outfit is ruled out.

 

The interview day finally came. Kats’s interview was scheduled towards the end. She was the second last candidate to be interviewed. She was nervous, very nervous. Not because it was her first interview but because she wanted to get through it badly. She was like the little girl jumping as high as possible to get the candy out of the adult’s hand. But our girl couldn’t get the candy.

 

She was told that she didn’t have the “Ability to think”. Which was quite surprising for everyone who knew her. She may not able to do many things like maintaining things neatly etc but she surely can think. Maybe think has a different meaning for those who interviewed her and those of us who know her. Maybe…..

 

But at the end of it Kats was again left disappointed, not by others but by herself that maybe she tried a little too hard. Maybe she mustn’t think anymore. It’s all this thinking that’s giving her so much of pain. , I think (I know even I Shouldn’t think when I say she mustn’t for one last time, let me…) she should be like the way she was when I was in control of her (i.e. as a child) always happy, cheerful and untouched and unaffected by the monsters of tension.  

Kushi is going away...Kats is so very lazy...CHulbuli is observing it all

Well again for a few days we were lost, both myself and Kats.
 No, we were not on an all expense trip to Egypt unravelling the secrets of king Tutankhamen or on an all expense trip to Disney world or to the wonderful wizarding world of harry potter (which we would appreciate if any of you could manage one for us :P ), we were just lazing around and for a change, simply watching  the rain fall, wind low, clouds thunder and mangoes fall off the tree. 

 

In the past three years or so Kats used to just manage to sleep for 6 hours a day or so, but for the past few she has been sleeping for more 12 hours a day. What does she do the rest 12 hours you may ask and you'll be surely amused and amazed on ‘uncovering’ the secret of the order in which she does things the entire day. Well she reads, writes, sings (pathetically in the bathroom, Indian Idol dreams are still awake maybe somewhere.. ref: And…Chulbuli is back….Kats decides…. ),cooks food, watches FIFA matches and post 5:30 pm roams around the entire ‘here’. I'm glad that an unplanned day isn't that hard for her any more.

 

Some more results are awaited, but now she has reached such a level of saturation that she is ready to take almost anything.

 

Khushi is going away. She is moving to ‘Redivivus urbs’, a very nice city. One big city with lots of people, lots to places to go to, many things to learn, most importantly a gazillion times better than 'here'.But as expected both Kats and Khushi are upset.But nothing can be done.This day was to come, its just that it feels that its a little too soon. Recently Khushi ‘threw' a party for all her friends (I don't know why people use the word 'threw', but they do,I find it odd, don't you?).All her friends had come.It wasn't exactly like the way myself or Kats expected it to be.We thought that it would be emotional and some, if not all would break down,none except for one did breakdown.Though Kats often says that "Sorrow and grief can not always be expressed through tears." I feel that when you really feel for someone,you can see it.I couldn't see much on many of the faces.Isn't it sad that everything is so hollow nowadays ? 

Kats,Kats oh Kats,I must write an ode on her laziness someday.She so the queen of this empire (the empire of laziness) as well.It's been ages since she cleaned her table or every cleaned the cupboard  containing her books.Maybe lazy isn't the word to describe her now,as she says she is 'relaxing'.But relaxing doesn't mean you sit on a pile of dirt does it? 

I know I've complained a lot about  Kats already.And I may seem like an ever complaining pest. So I think I must share some of my other observations about Kats and the people around her.

Kats has suddenly become a topic of interest for all her neighbours and the people around her.Everyone wants to know how much she scored in various exams,where does she intend to study,what does she intend to study,etc. Those people who never even acknowledged her existence  have suddenly got interested in her 'future'.I find it amusing.The poor girl has to answer every odd question a passer-by on the street asks her.She may choose not to answer but sadly she does mind her manners.

Amidst all of this no one has for once though of what poor Kats is going through.I know Kats hasn't done somethings in the way she was supposed to,but the things which she has done as one is supposed to, haven't given her what she wants.

I can see the disappointment in her eyes,the loss of the will to do her best.She is sad,not because she has to answer everyone,but because she couldn't do what maybe she could have.

Now for a change I feel she shouldn't answer any more questions.
She does feel like yelling on the faces of the passers by to "mind their own business".But again,the word  'manners' comes in the way.

Maybe sometime I should take over and say so,what do you think? 

Whatever maybe your answer Kats isn't that happy now,I'm trying my best to cheer her,lets see whether I succeed.  

Expectations reduce joy, Chulbuli thinks so…

“Expectations reduce joy” these words aren’t mine but of the great Sri Sri Ravishankar. Quite true I must say. Though initially it is quite difficult for a child like myself to understand, but surely with experience it begins seep in. 

Kats was exposed to these words when I was in complete control of her (i.e. when she was a child) and as expected I wanted to question the meaning of the same. But examples were given soon after she first heard it. One of the examples was that when you are expecting your father back from a long trip  a gift is an obvious expectation for most children (unlike myself) but say this time father brings back nothing, most children are angry, irritated and hence forget to soak in the joy of their father coming back.

Kats has undergone the same ‘reduction of joy’ quite a few times. There have been moments where she had expectations from friends or family members to behave in a certain manner and the exact opposite taking place, hence reducing the joy of the moment.
 

But there have also been moments where she has expected nothing and enjoyed the little she got. For example in her 10^th standard board examination Kats got an aggregate of 87% , since she didn't have any expectation at all and was ready to take anything that comes her way hence she was happy. But there were cases, many cases, of her friends who were dissatisfied even after topping the school and the region.

 

The question is whether they were dissatisfied with their own perseverance and effort or by the outcome. The ones dissatisfied by the outcome as expected simply kept sulking where as the ones dissatisfied by their efforts critically analysed their own mistakes and developed a better POA (Plan Of Action) for the future.

The ones dissatisfied by the outcome couldn’t even enjoy the fruits of their own labour, where as the ones dissatisfied by their own persevence moved on with a smile, lots of happiness and a hope to better.

 

It is left to the individual to choose between being happy under any circumstance (for which many use the word content, which I do not agree wholly to) or to be upset, sad and sulky. If one wants to be upset and drowned in the pits of depression none can stop that person, not even God. For one can always find excuses to be so.

This reminds of these lines:
I was crying for a pair of shoes when I saw a boy without legs.

Till one sees people with more reasons to be sad than oneself and yet choosing to be happy one doesn’t realise the finite probability of one being happy irrespective of the condition.

Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but it won’t reveal itself always.
How ever thin it maybe (in Fermi meters {10 ^-15} of thickness say), it is left to you to find it. Though there are some ever so pessimistic people who always manage to search for the dark side to every given situation. My sincere suggestion to you is to not do so.

The best is to keep it blank. Approach every situation as a visit to your neighbourhood ice cream parlour (or Shop, if you don’t have a parlour in your neighbourhood), where you are ready to taste any other flavour if the flavour of your choice isn’t available. Though you may be forced to accept some flavour you’ve never tasted and it may initially annoy you. But the moment the first spoon (or lick if it’s a cone ice cream) of ice cream melts in your mouth, the joy of the ice cream precides over all other emotions.

 

Chulbuli watches rain fall

In some distant corner of earth called here Kats (the girl within whom I reside) watches rain fall right out of the window drowning in the depths of her thought. Poor girl she has so much to think, much more to do and does a lot and yet feels that has done nothing.

Kats is upset. Name the one thing she is happy about actually.

I wonder why the beauty of the wonderful flowers blossoming in the meadow, the mangoes growing on the mango tree, the birds chirping never take her off her busy schedule.
For the past three years all she has done is put on weight, increased a little knowledge , read  lots of books, studied many more and most of all not gone out of the four walls of her room and played some game, any game.

Ah well she'll have the same old explanation ready, “It's class 10, 11, 12, most important and formative years of my life, how can it take it lightly?” Well who ever asked her to take it lightly; I just wanted her to take it a little brightly with a smile not a plastic one but the genuine one. But since she had to exercise all the 32 muscles on her face, she has hardly managed to smile the last three years.

Who would I blame? Everyone…

What is all the rush about? I mean I know there are so many people and everyone wants the best, but what does best actually mean? For the cricketing community the mongoose bat is the best bat ever, but in my opinion it's the bat Kats’s dad bought her when she was 3 years old.

All I have seen Kats do the last three years is run.
Well had she ran physically she wouldn't have put on as much weight, but she did run.
Run to school, run back from school, run to tutors, run around with the books. God!
All running and not stopping makes Kats what she is.

She has learnt a lot undoubtedly but something or the other always goes wrong like as if problems were her best friends.

The rain has stopped.

But have you ever wondered why does it rain?
In my opinion when the clouds cry it rains. But what are the tears for I don't know.
Whether they are happy or sad or both or having allergy God only knows.

The rain reminds me of all the wet moments of Kushi and Kats.
They have purposely got drenched in rain innumerable times and had great fun.

But this rain maybe the last rain they witness together. Kushi’s family is moving to a better place. And Kats also has to go to collage; hence they knew they had to part ways someday. But how come that day has come so soon!

Oh how I wish I could shrink Kushi for Kats sake and keep her in Kushi’s pocket for eternity. But well there are two major problems, One the machine to shrink people still hasn't come out the TV (yes the Honey I shrunk the kids one..!) and two Kats want the best for Kushi.

Again I fail to understand this best business. Is always ‘the best’ what we have or what we don’t have ?

Whatever it maybe I feel bad for both of them as they are BFFs. Though that won’t change much, but who would take Kats out for walks, puchka sessions. Had it not been for Kushi Kats would have been locked up inside that room of her forever.

Oh I am so anxious what would happen to them when Khushi moves out of town…?