Kats is finally lazy and Chulbuli too..

Oh God! Has been such a long time since I spoke to you all. I hope you are not very angry at me.

So many things one after the other, first there was the cultural festival. You won't believe it when I say but, even after completing three years of college life she never participated in it. This time she did, and I made her participate in ever possible event. She kept on complaining that she wouldn't have time to study. In a leamon finding seeds that are buried is so difficult, but if you look around and poke around here and there you'll find it,isn't it? I felt that free time was like that seed; most lemons have seeds, so I think everyone can find free time. She found free time to study,but I wasn't given the time to write to you all.

Then after that she had exams,exams,exams and exams. It was a long time of exams and when its exam time is Barney duty for me. Dance around being Barney the dino,to cheer her up when she is confused or worried or tensed; I did a lot of dancing around. There is this teacher of Kats -she has told me strictly not to tell his name,so I can't and won't and if you know,please be shush about it- he is a taller and bearded version of Winne the Pooh,maybe I think he has a larger tummy and dances around the classroom like Barney the dino without music. Rekha has told me how difficult she find its to hide her laugh; even I would find ti difficult if  I was sitting with them in the class watching a Winne the Pooh with a beard dancing around. It was his exam that everyone was really scared about. They say everything is known,taught, and the questions he asks are from that and still they don't know how to get full marks. Rekha and Kats struggled in remembering the names and the shapes of the compounds(thats is what they call many atoms stuck together to form shapes). So before his exam I had to be Barney ALL day long. More than Kats, I think I have worked for her exams.

Then came holidays. I thought,just thought it would be about getting up a little late, licking the nutella in the fridge and watching Doraemon on TV. But on day two of vacation itself it was ruined. Kats decided to go for early morning walks,everyday. Yes, everyday!! She pulls me out of bed at 5:15 am every day for a walk. Sacred of sleeping one minute beyond she has three alarms one after the other, all with very irritating music. Like one wasn't enough. If she had to go for walk so badly, she would have got up on her own..why alarm ?

I don't like the waking up part of the morning walk but it is fun. Its not very sunny at that time,sometimes the sun is still hiding behind the clouds. There are many people walking too. There are so many birdies around, the mynah, the wood pecker, a black bird with a long black feather, and a big ball like furry light brown bird. And the trees look so different early morning. There is a tree, which has both dark and light green leaves at the same time. And there is a tree on which another tree has spread its roots and is growing. To even see good things, we need make an effort.

Another good thing that we are doing together is learning Hindustani music. There is one harmonium and one teacher, but the two of us, so there is some fight some times. Kats wants to sing exactly what teacher teaches us, I want to try everything. She says, "We must learn properly what is taught.. " "But where is the fun! Doing the same thing again and again. We must do something different" I reply to her. Then Kats tells what Amma has told, that unless we learn out ABCs correctly we won't find making new sentences fun. 

Today, we got up early but didn't go out for a walk. No we are not any yoga either. Its Chulbuli's day! Kats a swollen face because we didn't. It rained last night when we were fast asleep. The weather outside is very nice, you can't tell whether its morning or evening, there is wind blowing. Its a perfect rainy day to be lazy, and -Amma gave her certificate- sometimes its okay to be lazy!

Chulbuli finds a new word meaning(?)

I know its a bad habit what I did, but the conversation which Kats and Clio was getting so loud that I couldn't control my ears. I know it sounds stupid, you can control your legs, your hands, but ears? If you don't wanna listen to stuff, sometimes when you don't want to you can. But I just didn't not.

Here is what they were talking,

Kats: Did you see the news? Adele won the oscar for Skyfall? Amazing isn't it?

Clio : I know. Its amazing, every year she keeps getting awards, and her songs get better..

Kats: She won three Grammys at the age of 19, two world famous platinum record winning albums by 21..Look at all that she has achieved, with each day she writes a more meaningful song; she fought her throat problem and sings even better now.

Both of them were silent for sometime and what Kats spoke next was typically Kats.

Kats: I'm going to be 21 soon, and look what I have achieved..nothing.

Clio: You can't compare yourself to Adele, you are in a course studying a certain subject. You have lectures to go to, assignments to write, exams to give..

Achieve, again a very diffcult word for me to understand. When a friend of Kats got 100 on 100 in an exam everyone was complementing her that she achieved something great. Her photo was in the paper, her name on a board in the school. I don't remember where the board was placed also; but whenever I read the names on it I never felt anything speical about them, like I do about Barney or Doraemon and Nobita. I just knew the names, very few teachers told about the people whose names were on the baord, that too only about the ones who were lower on the list.

The people who helped our country become free teachers and elders say have achieved a lot; even players when they win medals for the country at the olympics or some big game everyone says that he/she has achieved somethign great. Getting 100 on 100 in an exam and getting an entire country free, both are achievements? Confusing..

I asked Kats what it meant, and her reaply was, “The meaning is different for differrent people Chulbuli. For some getting a job in a big company where travel in a long expensive car is an achievement. For some growing a crop is. For Clio it is finding what she REALLY wants to do and do it. For me, it is to do something nice for many many people that never forget me.” How can one word mean so many things! There has to be an end to the number of meanings a word has.

Kats wants to be remebered by many many people; maybe their grand children and great grand children and all the generations to come. And when that is done she says she feels like she has achieved something. But what if after she dies people forget her, all those many many people who remembered her, will she still feel that she has achieved something? What if sometime in the middle a dark hole eats up earth, there would be no humans to remeber her, would her achievement be an achievement?

I think, if we do stuff that we like, and if it makes us happy and others happier, that can also be a new meaning for achievement?

Finish and forever, are they real words??

Kats finished reading this novel about twin sister who are joined in their head last night, its titled 'The girls'. When she was younger, that is when I was in compelte control of her, the thought of having a sister never came. Maybe becasue I never liked the thought of sharing Mummy and daddy with someone else. Also no one amonst my friends then had baby brothers or sisters. The thought of how it would be to have someone younger than you, almost like you, with you all day long never came to me. Then I got older, and Stacey moved into our colony with a little sister. Then sometimes, I used to wish for a little sister who was with me to play with me all day long, so that I didn't have to look for friends out side.

But neither me nor Kats ever imagined to have a sister so close that she is with you all the time, joined at head with you. We both are good company to each toher, but we don't always stay together; we are not sisters too, we are...us. And thats why Kats thought to read that book, to know how it is to have your sister by your side all the time. In school eveyrone believed that girls can never be good friends for long. Kats told me once that grown-up sisters also fight, and don't talk to each other, sometimes forever. So because of all these other stories we read, we wanted to know how do they stay forever togehter.

Forever and finish these two words have confused me a lot. Especially after Kats read portions of the book out to me.

The two sisters about whom the book is are joined together in the head, they share an important vein,no doctor can separate them. They are together forever and ever. But it says in the book that if one died the other won't die immidiately but would die in sometime for sure. That isn't togehter forever right? But when one dies the other would die too but only with a difference of time of a few months, maybe days, maybe hours, maybe just a few seconds. But there is a difference and that difference in time of their death doesn't make it forever. I told this to Kats and she diasagreed saying, “A few mintues of separation against years of bein together doesn't cancel out their togehter-forever status.” But..I suddenly feel forever is fake. Its a word that is not real.

Life on earth isn't forever. The dinosauras lived, but a metor hit earth and they call died. Some species that lived before on earth just died. And I remember Kats telling me once that some day a bi g black hole might come and eat up sun like pacman eats rasberries in the pacman game. It might also fall into the sun with a great explosion some day. That some day is really really far away, but when it comes all the history that we have studied and saved, all the science we have learnt and discoveres, all the languages and thins we have invented, all the memories that we have preserved would vanish. There would be no forever for us, human beings or earthlings. But changes keep happening, maybe that is forever. Change is forever but being same is not forever; so maybe forever is a speical word that is used only with change; like orangy for orange?

Coming to the word finish, it always reminds me of something that Uncle Stash, the uncle of 'The girls' said to Rose, “People don't finish, Rose. People stop. To finish is to say okay, now it's right, never I'm going to change it. To stop is to say okay, it's not perfect but I have to go to do something else.” I felt that the novel Kats read didn't finish, it just stopped. It happens all the time. Last summer, we both saw a plait on the internet that was like the one princesses wear, we read the instcutions on the internet and tried to make it, but it didn't turn out the way we wanted it. We tried for three hours, but it just wasn't perfect and we had to stop.

The pages of the story book/novel end, but both myself and Kats keep wondering what would have happened next in the life of the characters had they been real or that things could have been better had something else that we liked had happened. Maybe stories also never finish, they just stop.

Guess you can never finish things like paintings, plaits, stories, songs; but you surely can finish a fresh hot plate of poha by mummy.

To finish something forever, can that happen?

Did the cloud move, or did I move away?

When travelling in the auto I have seen the clouds move away from me. But sometimes, when I am standing still I can see them move. When in auto I see the other things also move away, this Kats says is because we are going ahead and everything else remains stand still so to us it seems like everything else is going away. But I asked her, that what if while I was going ahead in the auto, the cloud actually did move away because of wind, how would I know? Kats had a solution for this too! She said, “Ask another friend who is not moving at all to watch both your auto and the cloud. She would know who is moving and in which direction.”

Smart idea, isn't it? But is it really possible for one person to see both the auto and the cloud at once? What if while she was observing the auto for a few tiny-winy minutes the cloud moved, and she didn't notice how much and in which direction it moved. Then even she wouldn't be able to tell what actually happened isn't it?

I guess Kats would say then, “Have two friends then. One who carefully observes the auto, and the other the cloud. And after sometime let them discuss.” But what she does forget is that when two friends have to do a job togehter it is simply not possible for them to do it wihtout talking. And then they would deifnitely make a mistake about the auto and the cloud's movements.

The clouds as I told you before reminds me friends; sometimes you don't know wether you moved away or the cloud. If you ask a friend or two friends to tell you when the cloud has moved away from you, by the time they tell you the cloud would be too far. Not that they will always be wrong, but the chances that they can manage to tell you on time is very less.

How does one solve a problem like this! I saw somewhere on the internet, where by controlling the temperature and moisture of a room someone made a cloud inside the room! Amazing isn't it? The cloud stands still, right where you want, it is of the shape you want. But it won't thunder or rain, it can move, but has nothing to cover or sheild away from. But who would want a cloud like that, that doesn't thunder, that doens't cause rain; that just stands in one place like a showpiece. So the make the cloud in the room solution goes. There should be a way right?

Maybe if you walk back from where you started and you see that the cloud is still there in the sky above you, you'll know that you moved away. But what if the cloud had moved too, but came back when you did? How would you know that?

I can't think of a way to find out who moved away exactly at all times, me or the cloud. You can't pin a cloud on the sky like on the display board, but you sure can keeping looking up and smiling for it to come your way again, or at least hope the winds to push it your way.

Kats let luppy out of the bag!

Kats has been doing a lot of things unexpectantly. I suspect that it has got to do with either Doraemon or Barney, not sure which one of the two have been guiding her; it doesn't matter who it is out of the two of them, I like them both! :P

Luppy, our puppy has been our combined secret from Kats's class XII. We found him in our back yard, shivering in the morning sun. Covered him with an old rice bag made of jute and hid him away from Mummy and Daddy. Mummy doesn’t like dogs you see. Their fur all around, their language of talking or barking as we call it and they don't know how to use the human-made toilets. Being on four legs all day long and then trying to use a human invention which needs you to be on two legs is quite tough.

No one except the two of us knew about Luppy till yesterday. It was out promise to each other and we had kept it to ourselves that we wouldn't let anyone know about Luppy till we felt Luppy was strong enough to shake her hand with a person. Doggy's found on the street are not liked by all because they live amidst all, dirty plastic bags, dirty cats, dirty water, colourful wild flowers and strong trees that grow without being planted; street doggy's are strong, always cheerful and happy, ones that listen to the melody of the wind and that are not exactly very good with instructions. So we thought that if Luppy grows enough to be able to shake hands well with a person we would tell everyone about her.

After spending an entire day in her room with books, me and luppy forced Kats to take us out. Being rapunzel is not exactly fun, especially when you have a big wide door and big window that has a wonderful view of all the green trees outside. It was strange, just the three of us walking. We usually have something to talk about, a game to play, but being rapunzel all day long does bring some serious starting problem. And when ever we have a problem or any exciting news, we first share it with mummy. Though we did manage to keep the exciting story of Luppy in our tummy, and we also managed to smuggle her from Here to the hostel. Kats called up mummy and Mummy shared all the news from Here, from all the tasty food that she cooked for dinner to the cats in the colony that make mischief. Luppy hates them you see, and at their mention Luppy expressed her anger in doggy language and Mummy caught the sound.

Usually Luppy listens to us when we ask him to be silent, but this time he didn't. He has some serious problems with the cats you see. Mummy laughed when Luppy barked again and asked, “Your dog is quite impatient.” We were quite shocked, how did mummy know? Who told her? Kats was suspicious about me, and I was suspicious about her sleep talking. And then Kats told Luppy's story to mummy. We thought Mummy would be really angry at us. We did all the things we could to keep lice, and germs away from Luppy. Kats at the end of the story told mummy, “We wanted to surprise you on mother's day with Luppy when she masters the handshake. But we are still not happy with her handshake..” And mummy's reply simply made our day, “It doesn't have to be perfect, it is the spirit behind it that matters more..”

And so, since Kats has told Mummy about Luppy,I wrote about our cute one-little-now-little larger-doggy Luppy. Guess Mummys are difficult to impress, but it gets easier when you don't forget that they love you the way you are.

Surprizes at the Saloon

Kats is becoming better as the days go by,no she is not yet not-thinking about numbers like marks in exams and her weight on the scales. She cut her hair short! I know its not exactly nice, long hair looks very fairy tale princessy, but for long I used to have short hair for which I would put colourful clips,hair bands and tiny beads. You can't do all of that easily with long hair; but don't be under the impression that she got it is for those wonderful things that she can't use.

Her reasons are pretty serious. One morning when she applied coconut oil and combed her hair she lost some hair, she took head bath and combed she lost more. I must confess, even I felt if she combed once again it won't be too soon before she wouldn't have anything left to comb. Because as she said that day, “Its better to have short hair than have no hair at all.” And so she decided to get her hair cut.

She spent the whole day thinking of a hair style, different movies, different actresses, pop-stars, friends, neighbours. Mentally, it was like flipping through a thousand photographs over and over again looking for some hair style to whipser into her ears to choose it. I gave her a suggestion, to get a hairstyle like Rihanna (she is one of Kats's favouraite pop star), and she does have a funny hair style. One side of her head is a clean shave and the other side has almost shoulder lenght hair which has been cut in a manner that the top ones are short and as you go down the hair gets longer. Kats says it called a step cut, but I wonder for whom/what are those steps for? Lice can crawl on hair easily na?

It was almost at lunch time when she declared, “Chulbuli, I'm getting my hair cut, just like it used to be long back. ” At first i wasn't sure how long was her long back, but later she drew line in the air above her shoulder.

Rekha and I gave her company to the salon, being in a bigger city it was all like the ones on TV, not like the tiny ones in Here. Everyone was wearing black tee shirts and jeans at the salon, but they didn't look like the people in the salons on TV, they looked like people who travel with us in the bus.

The lady who was supposed to cut her hair was suggesting haristyles for her, another reapeat of the thousand photorpahs that she had gone through. I was scared that she might choose one of them. Why was I scared? I don't know...

But she told the lady “No cut it short, upto my shoulder. Just like i used to have, long back..” Later I asked her why she choose it, she said “Cause I am my favourite model, and there can be no better inspiration for me than me myself.”

2013! The year of change is here!

Wishing all of you a hap-hap-happy new year!

I'm having a not so good start of the new year here with Kats, we are travelling to the great city where Kats studies, thousands and i-don't-know-how-many miles away from Here. We took the early early morning flight. Had to get up at four in the morning! Who gets up at four in the morning and takes a bath in winter? Don't you worry there are plenty of crazy adults like Kats who do so!

Hope this year makes Kats listen to me a little more. The whole early morning flight idea was Madam Kats's by-the-way. She has oh-so-many things to do, and since her classes begin from tomorrow she wants to be all-set before hand. :| I know, first day of the new year, who leaves home to the hostel. But I must admit, I am liking travelling.

I have often wondered how easy life would have been had dragons been real. No need to stand in a queue/go online and book tickets, all you need to do is fix you mind, wear woolens and explain the route map to your dragon using google maps I guess. Woolens are needed I think, no its not the Kats syndrome that has got to me, but its supposed to be really really cold up there.

So imagine this, instead of coming out of Here, getting ready early in the morning, going through crazy queues of booking your luggage and all, me and Kats could have happily got up at 8:00 am. Had a nice crisp dosa made by mummy, bathed at our pace, pulled our lugage to the football ground tie it around the dragon and just sit on. As for the route map, our dragon woud have been driven nuts by repeated discussions and description of the route map with a print out by Kats dearest, weeks, no lets be realistic, MONTHS in advance. And once all set to travel we would have one woosh into the air. First the large houses would have become a littel smaller like the ones in the park where we used to play. Then as the dragon raises higher the whole twon would have looked like a lego town. When the dragon goes a lot more higher we would have crossed the layers of clouds to almost cruise over an ocean of clouds. Well thats how it is when we travel by the jet plane.

What I am not sure of is whether one does get wet when one passes through a screen of clouds, after all 'clouds are condensed water masses' as Kats told me.

The crusing on top of the clouds is the best thing of travelling by the sky I guess. Its like you are floating on a sea of white cotton candy and if its sunset or sunrise time, the sky has so many wonderful colours to show. And the rainbow Kats tells me won't we visible if we are above the clouds, so when it rains not too many colours above the clouds. :(

Clouds reminds me of another thin apart from white cotton candy, friends. Friends are like clouds, when the sun is too angry and has too much heat to give away, the clouds cover it; friends too help you keep the heat of so many things like crazy competition,stress away. They cry with you sometimes, sometimes for you; sometimes when you need to soak in a little warmth they move away. Some friends get anry quickly like the thundering clouds, some are like the sheep-shaped cloud that floats around in the sky on a normal day, and if you are bored and alone asks you to paly tag with it. Clouds can never stay with you forever, you can't pin it down or close it in a jar take it with you where you want. The winds decided where the clouds go,but you can simply not live without clouds. When one set of clouds leave, there would be a clear sky but you can't forget where your favourite cloud stood; you can't forget the clouds.

Sometimes ou really want to keep a cloud in your jar forever, but if you try to do so I think you'll never have a cloud in the jar all you have is water(cause Kats says clouds are masses of condensed water you see). And water in a jar you won't like it either, because it isn't the same as the cloud, it isn't freely floatinglike in the sky but just takes the shape of what you push it into. It obeys you and doesn't talk to you...

December rain, walking on water and WHAM!

Last evening was fun! Mummy, daddy, Kats and myself walked down to the sports Centre that was opposite the house where we lived for the first 14 years in Here. It used to be one building before, a badminton court, a gym, a table tennis space and a room for yoga. But now its a giant, its expanded and has become HUGE. almost three building, vivid colours, looks beautiful. Opposite to it is the lake, where many of our paper boats have left voyages.

If you walk straight down form the lake, till you reach a fencing end you'll find the house where I spent some of the most fun moments ever. It was all very different before. Things change with time, some times changes are pretty, but a change with the past wiped away is not very nice. From the lake you could walk into the sports centre, but now they have a fence, a fancy walkway with benches, almost like from the Wizard of Oz; and loads of colorful lights have been put up. When its dark, its like watching a sea of glow worms, only difference that these are larger and they don't blink. It was not so fairy tale like before. There were only yellow lights, like the burning flames.

The back of the sports centre had the 'SUPER-DI-DUPER' eat out, which was run by a Mami we knew. Some Saturday nights long long back we used to order dosa, sit on one of the red plastic chairs and watching the mosquitoes and dragon flies dance on the lake's surface, looking at the tiny island floating in the middle. I always thought the fox that used to cry at night came from there. I still think so. That island is full of tall trees and I don't know what else. Maybe someday, I would make Kats move her lazy legs and take her with me to actually find out what is there.

Everything is fairy tale like there, but it is not familiar anymore. The 'SUPER-DI-DUPER' eat out isn't there anymore. The flooring is not the normal cement one, tiles everywhere, tall columns, fancy black window panes. You know this the place, but it doesn't feel to be the same!  I know! I complain so much! The Kats habit, finally rubbed off on me too. The school where Kats studied is going to be broken down to build another castle from some fairy tale, when she gets older and comes back, I am sure we would be able to say that thats where the school stood, but we sure wouldn't be able to feel that before the fairy tale castle stood a not-a-very-perfect-but-pretty-lovely school stood.

By the time we walked to the sports center the clouds that grumbling with anger decided to make one wish of mine and Kats come true, that is to watch the lake when it rained. Thanks to Ms. Busy Kats we have not had the time to be here in summer or in the rainy season. So many seasons of Here missed. But the cute clouds were sweet enough to make us feel in the cold December how Here looks in summer and in rain.

There is something about the rain that makes it so awesome, I don't know what. It is the almost underwater-but-on-land feeling that it gives and the nice little puddles that it makes for us to set paper boats afloat that maybe are the nicest parts of its awesomeness. It gives you a feel of feeling the scary adventures of being underwater being safely on your two legs on land. That is how we are! We wanna taste the hot pakora without burning our tongue.

 We watched the rain; most importantly Kats watched the rain, and its amazing that we had the same thought! About how we knew we had been to this place so many times before, but it seemed all too new. The only difference is that, I thought of running out in the rain and dancing for a bit, but of course Kats wouldn't even think. But in the end she did get wet.

All four of us were walking along the corridor of the sports centre facing the lake, it was just like I would have liked it, filled with water :P After the rain stopped we had to walk back on water.  Mummy and Daddy didn't mind much about their feet gettin wet, but our dearest Kats was too worried about wetting her socks and while trying to walk on water WHAM! She fell down on her back. And this happened again this time it was just fate. Guess what? She didn't have a frown on her face when she fell. Think she finally did learn that

You don't need to be perfect always to have fun.

Chulibuli feels sad for Dadu

The door bell rang once, but we were too busy with Lego to rush and pay attention to it. Also it was an odd time when it rang, it couldn't have been mummy, daddy and Kats's friends normally don't come to visit her. The bell rang again and the door 's latch was used to knock. It was then that I understood that it was Dadu.

Dadu is a really old man, who sells eggs, agarbattis, chanchur/mixture, and buys old paper from us. One of his eyes have almost become completely white and poor Dadu can see properly only form the other eye. he had told us once about his grand daughter, she was in school, and wanted some of Kats's old note books for her to write. I remember spontaneously making Kats ask about her granddaughter's Daddy and mummy, and he was silent. It was a strange silence, Dadu seemed very sad then. Dadu as much as we have known him has exactly 3 pairs of clothes and a sleeveless sweater and a brown full sleeves sweater. When it is a little cold he wear the sleeveless sweater and colder the full sleeves one and the coldest both together.  His slippers have been the same for the last so many years that we have seen him. But unlike other adults he smiles a lot. When he smiles I think he forgets that he has lost so many teeth. I often wonder how difficult it must be for Dadu to brush, because with such huge gaps between his teeth insects would find it very easy to enter his mouth.

Dadu's son has vanished, Dadu is very old and he still works. I remember making Kats ask mummy once that when one is old one usually shouldn't work, but why is that Dadu is working. Mummy said to me, "Normally when one is old, one expects ones children to look after and do no work. Dadu's children are not there. Dadu has a little grand daughter to take care of. And isn't it a good thing that he is working? Instead of sitting at home all day long, all lone he goes around, sees the world, meets people of all kinds. He can tell better stories to his grand daughter. " so true, the more people you meet, the more places you see the better stories you can tell. But why do children vanish when their mummy-daddy grow older? I always had that question, but somehow could never ask anyone yet.

It is good that Dadu gets to meet so many people and tell better stories, but sometimes when it is too cold or too hot and his legs ache too much to ride his cycle with the box of eggs on his carrier and the bags of agarbattis and chanchur/mixture hung along his cycle's handle he still comes.  And it is then that Chulbuli feels sad for Dadu.

Chulbuli sang with Arial! and another thing Kats doesn't know

I have been having so much fun that I almost forgot to share it with you all!

If  someone asks me from now on my favorite month I shall surely say December, because the first week has been nothing short of total fun. Cold mornings under warm blanket, getting up when I want, bathing when I want, eating what I want and what I like. Its like how it used to be when I was in control of Kats. And Now I think it is so. MUHAHAHA ! the adult finally listens to the child.

Everyday is a fun-day, everyday is a Sunday! We get up with no plans, we follow no timetable. We read what we like and play as much as we want. Oh I must tell you! We fold colorful paper into beautiful things and fly like birdies without wings.

We have watched so many nice movies over the last week or more I think (I have stopped counting days and seeing the calender you see, after all they are just numbers) Harry potter and the deathly hallows both parts, Sound of Music and the Little Mermaid. The first few ones were nice, but the Little mermaid was nicer, no maybe nicest of them all. Why you may ask? Because it is about Arial who just won't stop listening to what her heart says, she is not always in control like Kats, she is like the on the hill top, she just flows, nothing can stop her from what she wants. She does get into tiny-winy bit of trouble, when she does I really did get scared, but her Daddy, King of the Sea saves her. But does someone always come to save one when one is in trouble?

I remember this song which I sang with Ariel, Part of that world. Ariel says in that she wants to be a part of our world, walk with legs, and dance with them, and watch fire burn, all of what we find so-normal she finds it special. Maybe everything is special, but for those who don't have it? Because I feel what Ariel has is very special, a tail, a fish friend, and a crab friend, and so many more fishes of all colours around her, you don't find so many people or animals or different colours staying together here. I remember asking this to Kats that why is that I feel Ariel is special and she feels that we are special and she smiled strangely while replying, "Remember the song Under the sea that Sebastian sings? The first line he says that the sea weed is always greener in somebody else's lake. He means to say that to you it'll seem that the other person and his or her things are always better than yours." And I asked her, "Who is really special then?" And she said, "I don't know Chulbuli."

There you go Kats another thing you don't know. I am making a list of things that Kats doesn't know, because all these older people have an answer for everything, they think they know everything, and when they say they don't know its worth playing the flute and dancing around like an elf.

I also asked Kats, while watching the movies, both Sound of music and The little mermaid, "Do you remember how you felt when you were sixteen?" Both Lisel from Sound of Music and Ariel from The little mermaid are sixteen, that is why I asked her. And Kats replied again with an I-don't-know and more,"I don't know Chulbuli. I was sixteen for a year, I can tell you all that happened then, but how does it feel to be sixteen I don't know; or rather, I don't remember." 

Is it that because like an adult I tried to connect a number to feelings she couldn't tell me? Or you simply don't remember how it feels to be of an age after you are older than that? Again the numbers are bothering me!

No answers to Chulbuli's questions!

After Kats's 'exams' got over she had a long list of things to do before leaving for Here. She walked with Shanti, Sanjeevani and Rekha from her hostel to Himadrija and Indigo's room in the hostel that is like so many miles away. The walk is like almost a walk through a jungle to reach another country, where on the way there is a brook(tiny version of river), big rocks, and monkeys, peacocks. Like the journey the nomads make.

Most of the times when she travels to Indigo and Hima's place, it is like a turning point, a point form where things change.While we were walking, I asked Kats, "Wouldn't it be fun if we could do this walking around everyday? See all the beauty around us." Kats rolled her eyes in reply, "And darling, who would attend the classes for me? The lizard in our wing's bathroom?" Lizard attending was not a bad option at all according to me, but for a few problems. No it is not Kats's desk partner, she doesn't have one, she refers to sit alone on the first bench in the corner of the class, it is the girls who sit behind her. Both Shanti and Rekha are scared of lizards. Also, to be able to take notes for Kats in her absence would be difficult for it(we don't know whether the lizard is a boy or a girl you see) with all the yummy distractions buzzing around, also to be able to talk in our language and ask the teacher the questions she has would need a long training.  After all of those thoughts I forgot to reply to her and I am sure she thought I had not solution to it. Before I could choose to speak about it, she spoke, "Chulbulli, you know something? If you played the same game everyday, you'll get bored too soon. Similarly if we do all this excursion everyday, it'll lose its charm. " Is it true what she said? Some games I have played everyday like hide and seek, but I am still not bored of it, what changed though was the people with whom I played. So.. is that its not just the journey but the people, the things, the sky, the moon everything that makes every journey different?

Later that night we sat in the balcony of the 'wing' of the hostel where her room is. For those who don't know about hostels, hostel is like mini home, without Mummy and Daddy, you have new and different family members. Some like to talk, some don't; some study in the same class, some don't; some are older than her, some younger, some as old as her. What is common in them all is, they have left their own families and traveled a large distance to learn. As for a wing, a wing  is a bunch of rooms that are close together, one after the other. In Kats's case, her wing has a door, their own bathroom, two basins and a balcony where the mango tree's branch spreads out its arms. 

So under the dark sky, with a few twinkling stars, and the dark green mango leaves hanging over our head as the cold winter was punching us I asked Kats that if she had the chance of doing what she really wanted to do, what she thought she really was sent to do by leaving everything now would she do it? She didn't reply! She was so silent that i could hear all the leaves above our heads rattle,  I even tried to count the number of rattles that the leaves made as she stood in silence. Then I thought maybe I asked a difficult question, so I asked her again, differently, "So if you were in a closed cold stone-made cave like room like the ones where the Flintstones live in, with a window, and there was a huge garden outside with flowers of the colour of the rainbow, and a pond with swans like in the fairy tales. What would you choose?" She was still very silent. I didn't know what was wrong with the question. She finally answered when 50 or more leaves had rattled, I think the tree was curious too. She said, 

"I would stay outside during the day play and enjoy. And at night would come back to the cave."

And then I understood what I forgot to ask her, what if she could choose only one? I asked her. And again there was silence. I started to count the stars, that is what daddy had taught me to do when I can't wait for something, and after that all I remember is black.

Numbers, lies, and chaos

Tied up in a corner with thick ropes and duck tape on my mouth, can you imagine Chulbuli like that? Thats what Kats did to me last two years. I realized how Rapunzel might have felt when left to herself in the tall tower with a duck tape on her mouth. Lonely, silent, pale, that is the life of an adult.

Obsessed(I learn it from Kats)with numbers all adults are. Marks, money, weight, height, length, breadth, thickness, everything, everything except for the thing for which they use them to differentiate from other things. Two numbers have been flashing with bright neon lights on Kats's mind from her arrival to this horrible place, weight and her marks in the course. Kats says she wants to study more, and to study more she was telling me once that she needs more marks. But I asked her,"If you want to study more, you can simply study more, how will those numbers decide?" She laughed at me as if I told her that a fruit that looks like an orange is an apple. And I remember the reply she gave to me, "Those numbers tell them how much I know. And only if I know the amount they want, I can know more. Those who know little, can't know more." And I also remember my reply to which she had no answer, "How can what you know be in numbers? Is knowing things countable? And if it is how can you compare two things that you know, that one is larger or smaller, because knowing somethings is easier than knowing some other things. Like knowing that I have ten fingers is easier than knowing how earth revolves around the sun. Or knowing anything is the same? And how can you decide that what is the smallest part of knowing about anything?..." Later that day she told me, that they give questions that she must answer in the time that the people who choose the questions give. But I still wonder how one question can tell whether Kats knows about it or not, what if when she was asked the question she forgot about it, but later she remembered it. Like I know that Barney is purple in colour, but what if I forget how to pronounce the name of the colour, would it mean I don't know about it?

If only knowing and everything to do with it was easy. Till two years back, Kats knew she loved Chemistry, she still does, but she knew she wanted to know more chemistry, but being a REAL scientist that was the lie she started to chant. And it was a whale that swallowed her. She was too scared, too shy to say what she really wanted, she knew what she wanted. But living inside the whale of lies, she forgot about the sun, the moon, the water, the wind. And when the whale opened its mouth a bit, through the cracks she saw it and recalled. And again she was back into the pinkness of the mouth of the whale. And for that time, the thought of the sun, moon and water never came to her. Now, just today, the whale coughed and she was thrown right into the sea. Initially she thought she didn't know anything, not even how to swim. But her hands began to move on their own, and she didn't drown. Now the chaos is all about whether Kats knows what she wanted to be or whether she doesn't?

How many marks for her to answer the question of "what do you want to be?" ? Can the answer to the question really know whether she knows it? Chaos it is.

The home-coming…

After 3 long months the little birdie finally flies back into the nest.3 long months away from home, away from parents with strangers some of whom who become friends,Kats returns…
Travelling alone for the first time away from the newly found home to her actual home. Kats was alone in her journey, she says she always is alone in her journey, I never understood what she meant. After 3 months of boring adult life finally Kats was returning to her good old days of joy and reasonless happiness.


I am so absolutely happy I can’t tell you, I was and am so sick and tried of being surrounded by people of Kats age who behave like adults. I was really happy that she finally was coming back to here, a place of peace, clam and simplicity.

Till Kats boarded the flight to the plane Urbem lætitiæ her homecoming was a doubt.

The day before her journey back home at around 9:30 in the morning Kats listens to the announcement of ‘bandh’ in the city. ‘Bandh’ is again a strange thing that elders do. They go around stopping everything, throwing stones, breaking everything; it is like their way of showing anger, on what I still don’t know….

Bandh is a scary thing, anyone can be hurt, there are no buses to travel in,no parks to play in everything is closed (everything is ‘Bandh’).

 

From the colour of a shining white pearl Bacca Urbs turns a grim colour of black-voielt-red on the days of bandh.

 

Both myself and Kats were scared and tensed.

 

The initial ‘plan’ was that Himadrija (Kats’s roommate, friend, classmate, bench mate…the list is never ending) was supposed to drop Kats at the closet fly-o-express
bus stop. Then Kats would travel herself to airport in the fly-o-express from there.

But if there are no busses then how would Hima and Kats go to the fly-o-express bus stop??? Also if they do reach there would fly-o-express come to take Kats to the airport…?

 

SO many questions…so much of confusion…

Kats’s parents had decided to postpone her tickets to a later date after the bandh. But when was again doubt, as the day she was supposed to leave she had her EVS exam in the morning.

Adults and their plans…always confusing…always funny and always tension causing…

This time the couldn’t draw up a plan and that what gave them so much of tension. I don’t understand why should everything be known before hand, why can’t it just happen? Adults are indeed funny people they ‘plan’ ‘adventurous’ holidays….
Crazy Adults….

Finally at 4:30 in the evening when news came that the 'Bandh' was cancelled Kats and her parents drew up another 'Plan'. After the conduct of the exam at 4:30 in the evening the next day Hari Anna,Kats's father's friend's car driver would pick her up and drop her at the airport.The best thing about this part of the plan was the car was huge! I love this car which Kats's father's friend owns,it's huge...the seats are soft and it doesn't smell of some stupid thing called petrol like other cars...

After a 35 minute journey,Kats reaches Bacca Urbs International Airport.It's one fun place to be.
It has everything that I would want...McDonalds , toy stores,trolleys to play on..smoothe floor to glide on,funny seats to sit on,you could even simply sit and watch the planes land and take off..it's soooooooooooo fun!!

After months without even my telling or forcing Kats let me take over her...though she did do what most adults do initially, finish the 'important' things like checking in the  baggage,visiting a book store to buya book,stare at silly jewellery and even more silly dresses...Finally she spent time staring at toys in the toy store,pinched the cheek of the various Winnes the Pooh in the store,played with the Jumbos,stared at the new hair style of Barbie,tried to juggle the balls their but failed badly...also not to forget while picking up a Winne the Pooh She managed to bring all the other around him down :P  What a gala time it was...

Then there was an announcement that the flight that was to carry her home was ready made.She ran really fast to the counter,but had to stand in a huge queue with sooooooooo many more adults.Finally she walked to the tube (adult's call it a chute)the floor was white and on both sides was glass through which she could see the scene  outside the tube.She walks into the aeroplane and a barbie-doll like lady welcomes her with a cold plastic smile.She goes in and settles down on her seat. Right next to her sat a plump aunty.Kats was too happy about going back home that she didn't think much about anything around her.

The aunty next to her share some lovely potato chips with her and she shared the lovely fruit cake that she purchased 'on air'.They were talking about food,obviously Kats's mouth was watering thinking about all the good food as she hadn't had any for the three months....poor girl. 

Finally after flying for 2 hours the plane finally landed in Urbem lætitiæ.
Again without my asking she gave me the opportunity to control her totally. 

I was indeed very restless to go back home.If possible I would have made her literally jump off the plane,but because that can't happen she had to glide down the slide sort of thing they had put.The tin-box like bus had arrived to carry her form the plane to 'arrival lounge'.

Finally after arriving at the arrival lounge,battling through adults of all sizes she managed to pick her suitcase and from behind someone call her by her full name,"KATAYAYINI..."
Kats rushes,rather glide on the smooth airport floor and hugs her mother tight.She kisses her on her forehead,we both felt so happy,warm and at home.She turns to her daddy and hugs him too.We were both sooooooooooo happy...

And then Kats,myself and her parents leave the airport and Urbem lætitiæ behind for here.....awaiting a month of pure reasonless joy....

Kats goes to college...Chulbuli observes

Hi everyone! it's such a relief to talk(literally) to you all after such a long time.Soooooo much has happened over the past few weeks that it may take over a series of blogs to tell you all everything.

The good news is Kats is doing what she wanted to do,study chemistry.

Its a long,long story,but finally it does have a very very lovely ending.
As you all might remember Plan B was going to be taken up by our dearest Kats.But the great Bhaggu above had other intentions. Kats was living an life of uncertainty,not that life isn't uncertain,but for poor Kats life was more uncertain then than ever. On 6th of August Plan B ws posponted,i.e. the Plan B place postponed it joining date.Our dear Kats was on the "Waiting list" for the University of Bucca Urbs.It was on 6th evening itself that Kat's father decided to attend the waiting list counseling.

The wait at the counseling was phenomenal.Finally at around 4:30 pm on 9th inside a tin hall with hot winds blowing in and out of the window the vacancies in Chemistry were announced.There were 5 vacancies in the "General" category (these elder people are odd they categorize people as well,thats really odd and funny),Kats is general.Out of those from the waiting list who had reported Kats was no.2.So if you do the math,even if the girl above her took chem(which she actually did,she would get chem). After announcing the vacancies they called out all the names in the waitlist (that was really funny because they had the list of students who had reported) maybe they just wanted to increase the wait.It was like as a lolly pop was moving back and forth in front of her mouth the moment she began to move closer towards it,it moved away from her.

Finally when Kats's name was announced she got up from the milkly white chair on which she was seated.She was sitting in one of the last few rows of the tin box room.When she rose from her chair she made expression similar to the women receiving the title of Miss World or Miss Universe(not Miss.Country because in the titles I've stated they literally weep quite loudly,she was almost going to to the same,that was really funny though). And finally after 7:30 pm Kats was a bonafied student of University of Bucca Urbs.

And the journey continues...

Chulbuli is dazed by the colours...Kats visits a fair

DAY I 

18th July 2010, the first time in 2010 Kats visited Jagannathpuri(It's a place in 'here').What’s special about Jagannathpuri you may ask, my reply would be (the same  as Kats) "What not so special about it ?".No truly on an ordinary day maybe I wouldn't like the place one bit, same not being applicable to Kats, but that day, rather those set of days it was one of the nicest places to be. Many may not being knowing about "Rath Yatra"(The chariot festival), but since I've given the link you can go check it out! It is one of the most fun festivals, you know why? Because it mostly accompanies a fair with it! 

I suppose all of you know what a fair is....isn't it? Even though you may know what it is I'll tell you what it means to me; it is a treat to all my senses sight, sound, taste, touch and smell. It's like the rainbow captured into a box for a few days. Everyone is invited and you don’t necessarily need to buy something for the fair, you don’t even need to pay an entry fee. It’s free or all.

It was for the first time is the so many years Kats had spent on earth she visited the fair with a friend. And the lucky friend with whom she visited the fair for the first time was Indulekha. Since she had promised and to Indulekha that she would arrive by 5:30 pm our darling Kats left home without much money. She had 20 rupees (0.43 $) in her wallet!
But well she was so happy (like I was that she forgot ask her daddy for money).

This wasn't the first time she was visiting Indulekha but it was the first time that Indulekha didn't meet her half way to her house. Our darling was all on her own to find her way to Indulekha’s house. Initially Kats wastrel tensed as she had been through that maze before, so she was sure that if she saw the buildings etc. she would surely make her way to Indulekha’s house. After days Kats was on the cycle(her daddy's cycle more precisely) it was a different feeling, the breeze blowing through her hairs the duppata of her salwar flapping like the wings of a bat. It felt great trying to beat the wind's speed.
All of sudden she realized that she was already in Jagannathpuri, in the maze. She took a turn towards the left that looked familiar, but the narrow lane that it lead to was pretty unfamiliar and scary. Kats parked her cycle and instinctively picked her cell phone and dialled the person who would best know the way out of the maze, Baawara. He finally gave our lady directions and then finally she did reach Induleka’s house. She could have called Bawaara in the beginning itself, but I am glad she tried to explore. Like she used to when I was in control of her. Don't you think so that is not at all bad to explore a little ?

And then what happened next was the best. They visited the fair for the first time together. Everything was enchanting. There were stalls selling everything possible that a human being would require. There were stalls with beautiful toys of all colours , toys that could perform a variety of tasks or maybe just sit in one place yet amuse you with the expression on its face. Those stalls were the best in my opinion. Even though Kats didn't have enough money she went all around the fair saw all stalls. There were many stalls for women selling colourful bangles, jewellery, hair accessories etc.   

I liked many of the bangles but due to storage of money Kats didn’t buy them (even though I did influence her).She also wanted to buy some bracelets (I didn't influence her this time). “Sometimes some things look best when not with us” Kats muttered this very sentence then, I couldn't understand why she said so…

She was saving her 20 rupees (0.43 $) for something, she didn't tell Induleka what it was, but I knew it! Just 10 minutes before leaving Indulekha and Kats walked towards a potter who sat on the ground, all the items that were up for sale were on display in front of him on a plastic sheet. And then suddenly Kats pounced towards a Ganesha Idol.When she looked at it, she felt like it waited for her all this while to be picked. After making her choice as always she bargained. Bargaining is like one of her hobbies though she isn't very good at it she desperately tries to bargain and with each attempt she improves a little.

After her little purchase she ran home. It was a different feeling, after days she didn't for a few moments think how her actions now  could modify the future, she was happy and I was moderately happy (as she didn't try the tempting cotton candy nor did she buy the following balloon ).

  

Day II 

19th July 2010,not a very momentums day in world history  but definitely one for myself and Kats.It was this very day she was given a lot of money(can't say how much) to spend at the fair in Jagannathpuri.No she didn't ask for more money but her daddy just gave her as he felt that she had the right to spend it.But today though she knew what all she had to buy she didn't find a single thing as appealing as the previous day without money,god knows why!? Despite that she did buy things that she had planned to buy like nail polish and bangles for little Gunna(Kats's mum's friend's daughter ),a incense stick holder and a pair of must-have earrings!

This time though because she had the money that could buy her whatever she wanted she spent a lot of time.It got dark....

Jagannathpuri has one big problem ELECTRICITY.It was well past 7:00 pm the sky had turned greyish-blue and some stars was already on their duty.Despite that is was quite difficult for any human being to distinguish between the gutter and the road.Oh I forgot to mention Indulekha was with her today as well.And with her things was much more difficult."Indulekha's mere presence deteriorates the possibilities to achieving the target for that moment" these are definitely not my words but I totally agree to them! Things got worse the narrow lane in front of Indulekha's house had just a single bulb that too it was mid-way somewhere,hanging away from a rusted iron pole all alone...Indulekha's father guided her till the end of Jagannathpuri and then Kats took off on her cycle. 

It was such a relief to see the place disappearing away as she moved forward.Inside the fair everything was so enchanting,the rest of Jagannathpuri was scarier that a graveyard at 12:00 midnight.It was only for those few days of the Rath yatra the place was so colourful,but the rest of the year it was a scary place(not just after nightfall but also during the day).

Are people like the places where they stay ? Something for a few days and something else the rest of time ? 

An emotional roller coaster ride…..Chulbuli already feels sick

Oh my God! Those are the words that come to my mind, when I think  about the last few days. I don’t even know how many days. Kats is oscillating between tears, and exhilaration (I learnt this word from Kats it means unusually happy) at an alarming rate.

 

As I had told you the last time Kats was waiting for some results. The result of the 5 year integrated MSc programme with the University of Bacca urbs was due on 22^nd of June. But there was nothing on 22^nd, she waited till 25^th evening. And on 25^th evening it said “You haven’t qualified for the interview”. Those words were written at the centre of the page in big bold letters in pink. Kats never liked pink and at moment she started to hate it even more than ever. A stream of tears started to flow right out of her eyes, uncontrolled. Kats was upset. Though I never leave an opportunity to complain about her, that day even I felt bad. It was her dream to study chemistry, now she had to study something else that she wasn’t very much interested in. It’s not that the ‘Plan B’ as (she calls it) is bad, it’s just that she likes chemistry more than it. She spent the entire night sleeplessly, staring right at the ceiling trying hard to find a silver lining in this dark cloud. It takes time for anyone to accept the fact that what you want isn’t what you get. But maybe as I have always felt, Kats doesn’t exactly know what she wants, or maybe she does but isn’t sure whether this is the time to seek it. The next day wasn’t very difficult for her as she went out with her daddy to the bank. And then on the way back home suddenly she suddenly decided to visit her school.

 

School was definitely a refreshing change. It was the positive environment she needed to be in for a while. For the first time in many days she was greeted with a warm hello and not with a volley of questions like “what is your rank in X entrance exam?” For a change people wanted to know when she is going to college and not which one. A refreshing change indeed it was. The ‘children’ (as Kats calls them) were happy to see their ‘Didi’ (yeah that’s what they call her at school Kats Didi) one last time and wanted to know when ‘Didi’ would come back to visit them, nothing else. That was the best thing by far. And thankfully it did bring the smile back on her face. I’ve never told her but I hope some one does tell her that she looks the best with a smile. She can’t smile without flashing her teeth (that’s an infectious disease so better beware), she way too proud about her toothpaste and tooth brush and it seems that she intends to become the ‘brand ambassador’ (that’s the person who is in every AD of the product) of both the toothbrush and the toothpaste company someday.

 

Then came the evening of the tissue company (I expected it to be so at least), Khushi and Kats met for the last time. It was past 9:30pm.They met on the lonely streets spoke like they would meet again the very next day. But they both knew that wasn’t true. It was that very evening she came to know that she was (finally) called for the interview at University of Bacca urbs. That day was very odd for her. It was like chocolate and bitter gourd (karela in hindi) ice cream. The bitter gourd (karela in hindi) part was that Khushi was going away and the chocolate part was the interview call.

 

It was because of this interview call that I wasn’t blogging. Though Kats is the one preparing, I thought I should be with her cheering her up. She needs to be cheered a lot. I truly mean that, you’d need a person dressed as Barney the dino singing to her to keep her smiling. Don’t you even start thinking that I wore the Barney outfit! You don’t get ones of my size, also its way too suffocating for me. Though I would surely love some to come dressed as Barney for Kats birthday, because both myself and Kats are huge fans of Barney, but me wearing the Barney outfit is ruled out.

 

The interview day finally came. Kats’s interview was scheduled towards the end. She was the second last candidate to be interviewed. She was nervous, very nervous. Not because it was her first interview but because she wanted to get through it badly. She was like the little girl jumping as high as possible to get the candy out of the adult’s hand. But our girl couldn’t get the candy.

 

She was told that she didn’t have the “Ability to think”. Which was quite surprising for everyone who knew her. She may not able to do many things like maintaining things neatly etc but she surely can think. Maybe think has a different meaning for those who interviewed her and those of us who know her. Maybe…..

 

But at the end of it Kats was again left disappointed, not by others but by herself that maybe she tried a little too hard. Maybe she mustn’t think anymore. It’s all this thinking that’s giving her so much of pain. , I think (I know even I Shouldn’t think when I say she mustn’t for one last time, let me…) she should be like the way she was when I was in control of her (i.e. as a child) always happy, cheerful and untouched and unaffected by the monsters of tension.  

Kushi is going away...Kats is so very lazy...CHulbuli is observing it all

Well again for a few days we were lost, both myself and Kats.
 No, we were not on an all expense trip to Egypt unravelling the secrets of king Tutankhamen or on an all expense trip to Disney world or to the wonderful wizarding world of harry potter (which we would appreciate if any of you could manage one for us :P ), we were just lazing around and for a change, simply watching  the rain fall, wind low, clouds thunder and mangoes fall off the tree. 

 

In the past three years or so Kats used to just manage to sleep for 6 hours a day or so, but for the past few she has been sleeping for more 12 hours a day. What does she do the rest 12 hours you may ask and you'll be surely amused and amazed on ‘uncovering’ the secret of the order in which she does things the entire day. Well she reads, writes, sings (pathetically in the bathroom, Indian Idol dreams are still awake maybe somewhere.. ref: And…Chulbuli is back….Kats decides…. ),cooks food, watches FIFA matches and post 5:30 pm roams around the entire ‘here’. I'm glad that an unplanned day isn't that hard for her any more.

 

Some more results are awaited, but now she has reached such a level of saturation that she is ready to take almost anything.

 

Khushi is going away. She is moving to ‘Redivivus urbs’, a very nice city. One big city with lots of people, lots to places to go to, many things to learn, most importantly a gazillion times better than 'here'.But as expected both Kats and Khushi are upset.But nothing can be done.This day was to come, its just that it feels that its a little too soon. Recently Khushi ‘threw' a party for all her friends (I don't know why people use the word 'threw', but they do,I find it odd, don't you?).All her friends had come.It wasn't exactly like the way myself or Kats expected it to be.We thought that it would be emotional and some, if not all would break down,none except for one did breakdown.Though Kats often says that "Sorrow and grief can not always be expressed through tears." I feel that when you really feel for someone,you can see it.I couldn't see much on many of the faces.Isn't it sad that everything is so hollow nowadays ? 

Kats,Kats oh Kats,I must write an ode on her laziness someday.She so the queen of this empire (the empire of laziness) as well.It's been ages since she cleaned her table or every cleaned the cupboard  containing her books.Maybe lazy isn't the word to describe her now,as she says she is 'relaxing'.But relaxing doesn't mean you sit on a pile of dirt does it? 

I know I've complained a lot about  Kats already.And I may seem like an ever complaining pest. So I think I must share some of my other observations about Kats and the people around her.

Kats has suddenly become a topic of interest for all her neighbours and the people around her.Everyone wants to know how much she scored in various exams,where does she intend to study,what does she intend to study,etc. Those people who never even acknowledged her existence  have suddenly got interested in her 'future'.I find it amusing.The poor girl has to answer every odd question a passer-by on the street asks her.She may choose not to answer but sadly she does mind her manners.

Amidst all of this no one has for once though of what poor Kats is going through.I know Kats hasn't done somethings in the way she was supposed to,but the things which she has done as one is supposed to, haven't given her what she wants.

I can see the disappointment in her eyes,the loss of the will to do her best.She is sad,not because she has to answer everyone,but because she couldn't do what maybe she could have.

Now for a change I feel she shouldn't answer any more questions.
She does feel like yelling on the faces of the passers by to "mind their own business".But again,the word  'manners' comes in the way.

Maybe sometime I should take over and say so,what do you think? 

Whatever maybe your answer Kats isn't that happy now,I'm trying my best to cheer her,lets see whether I succeed.  

Kats goes out...all Thanks to Sakhi...Chubuli is happy

Another day,the sun rises,bird fly out of their nest in search for food chirping,the hen cookadokoos.
But this day is a little different from the others,for a change our darling Kats has no plan or schedule for the day.
No topics to revise,no problems in physics or maths to solve or reaction mechanism  to revise.
After months years comes a day in her ever-so-busy-busy life where she has no plan in place.Where she doesn't know what to do next.

Isn't it strange? When I was in complete control of her(i.e. when she was a child) everyday was like this,like a unknown parcel.Nothing was planned,everything just happened and despite that every single day was unique.

Today she felt so totally lost.After months years of 'focus' here come a time where you have to do nothing.It's like working in the army for years at the border,then suddenly being dropped off on to some exotic island and being told to 'enjoy'.It's hard. 

It's more like you go to school everyday,suddenly one fine day the horrible horrible monster called cold takes over you and you can't go to school.

Sometimes you also feel like that during the beginning of vacation. 

Poor Kats.This is like one long summer vacation. 

For a change Kats calls up Sakhi her 'kwel' friend out for a walk in the evening and Sakhi agrees.
The entire day just simply goes by.Kats makes an attempt to pick her books up:but no.... they seem so much heavier  than before.So drops the plan to study. 

She picks up her all time favourate writer Agatha Cristie's book,Passenger to Frankfurt  .

She  has many books of Agatha Cristie.But I fail to understand how blood shed,disputes,dead bodies,death, and so many more dark things interest her.Because all Agatha Cristie's books have all the above mentioned dark things. I think she should read something like 'The wizard of Oz'.
Though it gets a little scary after the witch comes into the picture in the book,I like it because it has a happy ending. 

I've heard Kats say this a lot,"Real life stories have no happy endings".But is it true? I don't think so.Maybe she just doesn't know what happy means. 

The day progressed.She progressed through the pages of that book.

She fell asleep in the afternoon.
Got up to see that Sakhi has come to her place with a 'gang' of girls.Kats knows all of them well,very well.But neither I nor Kats get along well with them.I don't know why!Both myself anf Kats make such huge efforts to build a bridge to their hearts,but it just doesn't stand the test of time.I simply took over Kats the moment I saw them,made her say that she'll come out in an hour.

Kats ran in.Choose an outfit.Cleansed herself. And viola she is ready. 
But after an hour when Sakhi comes with them it starts to rain rather it was drizzling. Plan almost got canceled.Then Sakhi promises that she'll take her to the market place after it stops.
And guess what? unlike the other friends of Kats Skahi is really "kwel".She has a scooty,a real one.

It stopped drizzling and off they went on Skahi's scooty. I'd rather call it her dragon.I like dragons,and would love to pet one, as it would serve multiple purposes.
The cool wind was gushing past their ears,everything around felt like as if it were falling behind.
The entire road was empty,there was fresh breeze of freedom,it smelled different,felt different.Kats forgot everything, all she did was flap her hands like birds would do to fly. 

 

And then suddenly it stared to rain again. 

   

Kats had a shopping bag in her hand then.She covered Sakhi's head and tried to cover her head with it as well.But purposely choose not to cover her head much as getting wet in rain was fun in a different way. It was after ages that Kats got wet in the rain.

The entire atmosphere smelt different.She all her tension,anxiety,stress was washed away by the rain.And all that was left was the same old Kats; happy,cheerful and hopeful of brighter day,all thanks to Sakhi.

And…Chulbuli is back….Kats decides….

First of all apologies for not being able to stay in touch with you all, due Kats and her ever so busy life I was lost. 

So much has happened that the account of all the incidents would take the next week totally. Nothing very adventurous has happened (if you consider cycling around the locality as adventurous then, there was some adventure.)

As the results started pouring in the Kat's skin colour changed as follows: 

 

 

And after the result this is what used to happen :

 

Kats isn’t exactly unpredictable; it’s just her mood that is unpredictable. If you know her mood you know she’ll do next.

Amidst all these exams, results and more exams suddenly Kats has woken up.
Woken up from deep slumber. And no there was fairy tale like reason for the same.

It’s just that, it has happened. 

 

When I was in complete control of her she wanted to be 14 different things.

(I don’t even remember all the 14 ironically.)But as she grew older there were only a few options that were left with her.

 

When all she was me, that is she was reaaally young she wanted to be a dancer.
She loved dancing, wasn’t very good at it but loved and tried to dance away with lots of joy. But as she grew older and older she learnt that dancing isn’t job. I don’t know why elders say so….? I don’t know why then do they allow us (children) to learn all these?
I wonder what makes something a job and what doesn’t!

Then some where in class 4 or before she wanted to be a doctor, the old nanny who took care of her wanted her to become one. Her parents wanted the same too.

But then she learnt that she had to sit in a dark place with dead bodies. OMG!
And that very day she decided not to become a doctor!

Then what next you may ask? 
I warn you Kats is one heck of a girl! Very indecisive….

Then what! Then came the era of singing reality shows. And yes! SHE WANTED TO BECOME A SINGER! She still has a penchant for singing.

I can challenge you that if a person can listen to her sing ‘Yeh Ishq hai’ from Jab We Met and not leave by the end of the 2^nd line, that person is deaf. Her ‘sur’ is like Kashmir and the original ‘sur’ of the song Kanyakumari!

Then what, when she came to class 9, ’the most interesting year in her life’ as she says (and even I agree!) she had four proper options, architect/interior designer, lawyer, researcher and politician .

 

Architecture was dropped midway in class 9 itself as she learn that one need to draw really well for that. And I can assure you that even the egg she draws isn’t a perfect oval! The human figures he draws look like Lord Voldemort’s distorted form. And if age were estimated by the way one fills colours she’s be aged 2 or maybe less! 

 

Lawyer was dropped as well. Because right in front of Kats’s grandfather’s house was lawyer and he used to get all kinds of 'dangerous guests' at odd times. There used to stand a white omni just like ones used in movies to kidnap right in front of his house. It was one creepy house! 

Politician was again labeled as ‘not a job’.

 

Yes, from then to this date all that has stood the test of time in her heart is research.

She likes it. She enjoys it and she doesn't need a smile to do it, but while doing it a smile sprouts on her face.  

She says she wants to study chemistry.

Chemistry is fun! So many colours, so many odours (ranging from rotten egg to rotten fish to scent of flowers), so much of activity and so much of drama, even I like it!

 

So finally for now research in chemistry has been frozen. Let’s see what happens next.

Whether she sticks to it or whether she finds something else.

At the end of the day she is the great Kats, queen of the land of the lost!

 

Expectations reduce joy, Chulbuli thinks so…

“Expectations reduce joy” these words aren’t mine but of the great Sri Sri Ravishankar. Quite true I must say. Though initially it is quite difficult for a child like myself to understand, but surely with experience it begins seep in. 

Kats was exposed to these words when I was in complete control of her (i.e. when she was a child) and as expected I wanted to question the meaning of the same. But examples were given soon after she first heard it. One of the examples was that when you are expecting your father back from a long trip  a gift is an obvious expectation for most children (unlike myself) but say this time father brings back nothing, most children are angry, irritated and hence forget to soak in the joy of their father coming back.

Kats has undergone the same ‘reduction of joy’ quite a few times. There have been moments where she had expectations from friends or family members to behave in a certain manner and the exact opposite taking place, hence reducing the joy of the moment.
 

But there have also been moments where she has expected nothing and enjoyed the little she got. For example in her 10^th standard board examination Kats got an aggregate of 87% , since she didn't have any expectation at all and was ready to take anything that comes her way hence she was happy. But there were cases, many cases, of her friends who were dissatisfied even after topping the school and the region.

 

The question is whether they were dissatisfied with their own perseverance and effort or by the outcome. The ones dissatisfied by the outcome as expected simply kept sulking where as the ones dissatisfied by their efforts critically analysed their own mistakes and developed a better POA (Plan Of Action) for the future.

The ones dissatisfied by the outcome couldn’t even enjoy the fruits of their own labour, where as the ones dissatisfied by their own persevence moved on with a smile, lots of happiness and a hope to better.

 

It is left to the individual to choose between being happy under any circumstance (for which many use the word content, which I do not agree wholly to) or to be upset, sad and sulky. If one wants to be upset and drowned in the pits of depression none can stop that person, not even God. For one can always find excuses to be so.

This reminds of these lines:
I was crying for a pair of shoes when I saw a boy without legs.

Till one sees people with more reasons to be sad than oneself and yet choosing to be happy one doesn’t realise the finite probability of one being happy irrespective of the condition.

Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but it won’t reveal itself always.
How ever thin it maybe (in Fermi meters {10 ^-15} of thickness say), it is left to you to find it. Though there are some ever so pessimistic people who always manage to search for the dark side to every given situation. My sincere suggestion to you is to not do so.

The best is to keep it blank. Approach every situation as a visit to your neighbourhood ice cream parlour (or Shop, if you don’t have a parlour in your neighbourhood), where you are ready to taste any other flavour if the flavour of your choice isn’t available. Though you may be forced to accept some flavour you’ve never tasted and it may initially annoy you. But the moment the first spoon (or lick if it’s a cone ice cream) of ice cream melts in your mouth, the joy of the ice cream precides over all other emotions.