Chulbuli sang with Arial! and another thing Kats doesn't know

I have been having so much fun that I almost forgot to share it with you all!

If  someone asks me from now on my favorite month I shall surely say December, because the first week has been nothing short of total fun. Cold mornings under warm blanket, getting up when I want, bathing when I want, eating what I want and what I like. Its like how it used to be when I was in control of Kats. And Now I think it is so. MUHAHAHA ! the adult finally listens to the child.

Everyday is a fun-day, everyday is a Sunday! We get up with no plans, we follow no timetable. We read what we like and play as much as we want. Oh I must tell you! We fold colorful paper into beautiful things and fly like birdies without wings.

We have watched so many nice movies over the last week or more I think (I have stopped counting days and seeing the calender you see, after all they are just numbers) Harry potter and the deathly hallows both parts, Sound of Music and the Little Mermaid. The first few ones were nice, but the Little mermaid was nicer, no maybe nicest of them all. Why you may ask? Because it is about Arial who just won't stop listening to what her heart says, she is not always in control like Kats, she is like the on the hill top, she just flows, nothing can stop her from what she wants. She does get into tiny-winy bit of trouble, when she does I really did get scared, but her Daddy, King of the Sea saves her. But does someone always come to save one when one is in trouble?

I remember this song which I sang with Ariel, Part of that world. Ariel says in that she wants to be a part of our world, walk with legs, and dance with them, and watch fire burn, all of what we find so-normal she finds it special. Maybe everything is special, but for those who don't have it? Because I feel what Ariel has is very special, a tail, a fish friend, and a crab friend, and so many more fishes of all colours around her, you don't find so many people or animals or different colours staying together here. I remember asking this to Kats that why is that I feel Ariel is special and she feels that we are special and she smiled strangely while replying, "Remember the song Under the sea that Sebastian sings? The first line he says that the sea weed is always greener in somebody else's lake. He means to say that to you it'll seem that the other person and his or her things are always better than yours." And I asked her, "Who is really special then?" And she said, "I don't know Chulbuli."

There you go Kats another thing you don't know. I am making a list of things that Kats doesn't know, because all these older people have an answer for everything, they think they know everything, and when they say they don't know its worth playing the flute and dancing around like an elf.

I also asked Kats, while watching the movies, both Sound of music and The little mermaid, "Do you remember how you felt when you were sixteen?" Both Lisel from Sound of Music and Ariel from The little mermaid are sixteen, that is why I asked her. And Kats replied again with an I-don't-know and more,"I don't know Chulbuli. I was sixteen for a year, I can tell you all that happened then, but how does it feel to be sixteen I don't know; or rather, I don't remember." 

Is it that because like an adult I tried to connect a number to feelings she couldn't tell me? Or you simply don't remember how it feels to be of an age after you are older than that? Again the numbers are bothering me!

Numbers, lies, and chaos

Tied up in a corner with thick ropes and duck tape on my mouth, can you imagine Chulbuli like that? Thats what Kats did to me last two years. I realized how Rapunzel might have felt when left to herself in the tall tower with a duck tape on her mouth. Lonely, silent, pale, that is the life of an adult.

Obsessed(I learn it from Kats)with numbers all adults are. Marks, money, weight, height, length, breadth, thickness, everything, everything except for the thing for which they use them to differentiate from other things. Two numbers have been flashing with bright neon lights on Kats's mind from her arrival to this horrible place, weight and her marks in the course. Kats says she wants to study more, and to study more she was telling me once that she needs more marks. But I asked her,"If you want to study more, you can simply study more, how will those numbers decide?" She laughed at me as if I told her that a fruit that looks like an orange is an apple. And I remember the reply she gave to me, "Those numbers tell them how much I know. And only if I know the amount they want, I can know more. Those who know little, can't know more." And I also remember my reply to which she had no answer, "How can what you know be in numbers? Is knowing things countable? And if it is how can you compare two things that you know, that one is larger or smaller, because knowing somethings is easier than knowing some other things. Like knowing that I have ten fingers is easier than knowing how earth revolves around the sun. Or knowing anything is the same? And how can you decide that what is the smallest part of knowing about anything?..." Later that day she told me, that they give questions that she must answer in the time that the people who choose the questions give. But I still wonder how one question can tell whether Kats knows about it or not, what if when she was asked the question she forgot about it, but later she remembered it. Like I know that Barney is purple in colour, but what if I forget how to pronounce the name of the colour, would it mean I don't know about it?

If only knowing and everything to do with it was easy. Till two years back, Kats knew she loved Chemistry, she still does, but she knew she wanted to know more chemistry, but being a REAL scientist that was the lie she started to chant. And it was a whale that swallowed her. She was too scared, too shy to say what she really wanted, she knew what she wanted. But living inside the whale of lies, she forgot about the sun, the moon, the water, the wind. And when the whale opened its mouth a bit, through the cracks she saw it and recalled. And again she was back into the pinkness of the mouth of the whale. And for that time, the thought of the sun, moon and water never came to her. Now, just today, the whale coughed and she was thrown right into the sea. Initially she thought she didn't know anything, not even how to swim. But her hands began to move on their own, and she didn't drown. Now the chaos is all about whether Kats knows what she wanted to be or whether she doesn't?

How many marks for her to answer the question of "what do you want to be?" ? Can the answer to the question really know whether she knows it? Chaos it is.